screams in the dark
I was elbow-deep in a monster sized plate of Mexican food, sipping a margarita, and enjoying a perfect evening under the warm Austin night sky. The outdoor seating of the On the Border restaurant in the Arboretum is mostly covered with trees, but it’s far enough away from the downtown area that in between the openings of the canopy, you can see the stars brilliantly shining through on a clear night. I’m not sure if it was the serenity of the moment, or something they put in the enchiladas, but it had the makings of a perfect evening. I momentarily closed my eyes and reflected on the moment.
Suddenly my perfect evening was interrupted by the screeching of several birds “SQUAWK! Reeeeerrrr! YAR YAR! AIEEEEEEE!” It startled me so unexpectedly that I dropped my fork. I couldn’t see the death duel that was taking place over my head, but my shoulders instinctively bunched up as I peered into the dark trees to find these winged predators. Again, the sounds shattered the silence “SCREEEEEEEEEE! Squawk-Squawk-Squawk! AIEEEEEEEE!” I clutched my fork and knife upside-down in my fists, ready to stab at any would-be attacks from above. The birds were silent again.
As I crouched in my chair, straining my ears to find the source of the scuffle in the trees, a waiter casually passed by and threw a laughing half-grin my way, complete with a condescending “You silly rabbit” kind of chuckle. Who was this man to be so callous as to my reaction while these winged beasts were waging war just a few feet over my head?!? He noted my apprehension and said “Hey you - don’t freak out. It’s a recording. It keeps the birds away.”
Oh.
I felt like the biggest dummy in the world for a brief moment, only to be repeated when I flinched and dropped my fork again at the next set of screeches from the hidden speakers. For the rest of the evening, at sporadic intervals, the speakers would fire up a death scream from various winged predators, then leave the arboretum in blissful silence for a few minutes. I don’t see any alternative to keeping birds out of the trees, but it might be better to let a few birds poop on heads than to scare poop right out of the restaurant patrons.