27 May 2011 @ 5:17 PM 

“You no have money. No donut.”
“I do have money. Can you run it again?”
“The machine. The machine say you no have money.”
“Well I’m sure I have money in my account. Please try it again?”

beep boop beep…. (sour face, one eyebrow up)

“Still say no money. No donut.”

Despite her payment policy, she took one look at my adorable 4-year-old daughter and allowed us to leave there with her pink donut and Sunny Delight. But only after I first signed a piece of paper that said I’d come back and pay her. I wrote “123-4567″ for my phone number and she didn’t notice.

“Hello, this is Bank of America representative Ruben, what can I do for you today?
“Hey, what’s up with my check card? Why is it declining?”
“I see here that we sent you a new one and shut this one off.”
“Oh that letter that arrived yesterday? I haven’t even opened it.”
“Yes. You should be using that new card. The old one is closed now.”
“Yeah, I noticed. Well, Ruben, how about letting me know so I don’t look like a jackass in the donut store? That lady acted like I was trying to rob the place. What if I were stranded somewhere without gas? Or out of town?”
“We did notify you. It’s explained in the letter that came with the card.”

So I moseyed back to Donut Land with my new card, and tried to pay.

“Hi there, I was here earlier, I need to pay for a pink donut and a Sunny Delight.”
(She tries to hand me a pink donut.)
“Don’t you remember me? I’ve already got the donut. It turns out that the card was closed because this other, new card was sent to me. I’m here to repay.”
She gives me a puzzled look and says “The Sunny Delight is in the case. You go get it, right there.”
“No, I already have a Sunny Delight. I just want to give you money.”

It was like I was sticking the place up, but in reverse.

“You no want pink donut? You want other donut. Here. You take chocolate.”
“No, just ring me up for five bucks. I want to repay you from earlier.”

The only way I could make it happen was to go grab a Sunny Delight out of the case, get her to put a pink donut in a bag, and then pay. Afterwards, it was very confusing to her when I left those things on the counter and walked out of the building, but now the world feels pretty right.

Posted By: Buffman
Last Edit: 27 May 2011 @ 05:17 PM

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